She had always been a whirlwind of words and emotions –– displaying her thoughts so openly. He couldn’t imagine she was able to keep her thoughts inside all that well, the kind to simply think and speak at the same time. Caspian had never really been like that himself. Unless his anger or upset was running too high, he always found time to think before he spoke. Though will Belle, she was always charming and amusing when she did this. His lips curled into a soft smile and he even chuckled as she mentioned jewel tones.
❝ Well maybe to you Mrs. Anglophone! I don’t know all your weird terms in English you know. ❞ He teased her with a small smirk, the action friendly. Though Caspian’s english wasn’t great, it was substantially better than it had been when he first came here. Though Belle’s way of speech always had him trying to catch up (and admittedly sometimes he missed things) he never told her to slow down. Maybe it was because he liked hearing her chatter so passionately, that he would hate to be someone to dim it. This boy, who worked so hard to be seen as dominant, was so obviously submissive whenever he was with people he actually trusted –– and Belle was one of them.
❝ Wait.. Blue lip––? ❞ he began, only to have her burst to her feet and slap the table. he flinched because a wave of laughter overwhelmed him. he bent forward, eyes squinting some as he shook his head. It drew the attention of a bunch of people around them, unaware that some of them had been entirely bothered by Belle’s loudness already. Unaware that they were coming closer, Caspian’s smiled at her with so much brightness he might as well be glowing. ❝ Okay I will make your Disney Princess soundtrack IF you promise to do only my eyes the next time I sing… Deal? I think lipstick would mess up my singing and feel weird. ❞ He confessed with a small laugh.
He had never been opposed to makeup himself. Though he preferred it on his eyes rather than anywhere else. Many of his favourite performers wore make up on stage, and while his fathers thought it comical, they knew that Caspian was certainly not the kind to see it as bizarre.
Belle had a hard time ever reigning in her words when they finally came out. She either could barely speak at all or it was an endless flow of consciousness as her brain flitted from idea to idea. It was only after she’d drown the person in words about her passion that she had the mind to be embarrassed about exposition dumping on them so badly. It was just something in how her brain was wired. The hardest part was always feeling confident to talk again after the embarrassment and shame set in… but Cas? She was beyond thankful for his patience. She feared she must be taking advantage of that. Deep down worrying he’d get bored or frustrated with her like her friends in elementary had. That she would fail him eventually. That in the end, she’d just be too autistic. But right now, it was perfect. She fought with herself on the bad nights to remember that he wanted to be her friend and to trust that this was good. It was hard to remember sometimes when she knew for a fact that she too often missed clues others would pick up on.
❝Oh but the blue would look so pretty on you and they have this matte finish now that doesn’t smear and-❞ she huffed and sighed dramatically ❝-okay! Eyes only, but they will be the smokiest wing-tipped ever and all the girls and boys will cream themselves at the sight of you,❞ she proclaimed with a sound nod.
She was already composing song titles in her head, they’d need at least 15 songs for a proper album. She had every Disney Soundtrack there was and new all her favorites by heart. She was certain they could put together an epic masterpiece to blow all those out of the water. An epic tale of self-discovery and fighting with space battles and true love both romantic and friendship… she mind soared as she ran through her ever evolving stories again.
❝ Jewel tone? What does that even mean? ❞ Caspian asked with a smirk, licking those plump lips clean from the curry sitting on their edges. Amusement and curiosity sparkled in those golden hues, watching her as she explained how emerald might bring out her eyes. He laughed gently, turning attention back towards his meal as he began to work the naan into the paste and rather up some of the rice and food he had brought for lunch.
He knew himself, the fear of judgement and of being seen for what you were born as. How crippling and awful such a feeling could be. To creep inside you chest and grip you so tightly your only relief was to curl in on yourself and pray it might end soon. There was no relief from the eyes that stared at him either. The boy who didn’t fit anywhere. The boy who was strange and unpredictable. Who would burst and break at the drop of a hat and who was stupid. Gods he knew they all thought him to be an idiot. It came with the Jock territory no doubt. Captain of the soccer team who got awful marks was the most cliche thing about all those terrible high school movies his friend made him sit through. Every time he saw them he thought ‘thats me, the jock that goes nowhere’.
At least he had his music. Whenever he sang at the parties, it seemed everyone forgot about his grades and focused on him. Focused on the words and the tune –– ignore the boy before them who’s flesh was broken and torn. Focus on the voice he still had… It was the only thing that hadn’t broken from his past-life. It always made him feel more whole, much like how Belle felt about this elaborate princess tale.
❝ Is it still in true Princess fashion to use glow bugs for the lights on the dress? I think I saw that in a movie once. ❞ He quipped as he brought another handful of his meal to his lips. Chewing for a few more moments before he licked his fingers noisily, and his lips along with it. He liked encouraging her. Knowing that she was a little different from everyone else just made her more fun in truth. In Caspian’s mind… These chats, whether they were real for her or hypothetical for him, it didn’t truly matter.
“Oh. My. God. Caspian. Jewel tone, it’s self-explanatory,” Belle waved she hand widely, “Ruby, Emerald, Saphire, dark and more saturate. Those bright pastel pinks and purples, I’m soooooooo over it.”
Finally remembering that she should eat. Her meal was far less glamorous than her friend’s lunch. Her dad had been busy again, his time split between his evening security job and his new passion writing. But that meant he was sleeping most mornings and writing most afternoons. So Belle had made her own lunch, which always took too much energy. So she’d just thrown anything into her sack that sounded okay. A pudding cup, snack crackers, a PB&J, baby carrots (the whole bag), and a partial bag of baking chocolate chips. She broke into the carrots, crunching loudly.
“You know, your skin tone in right for some really lovely greens… or maybe a metallic copper…” she hummed and tapped a carrot on her chin, “Would blue be too much? Either way you tots gotta let me do your makeup next time you sing. OH! Smokey eyes and blue lips!”
She grinned widely at him, vibrating with energy. She loved makeup, the louder the better. She’d been sent to the principle’s office many an occasion for her makeup in the first months of the school year. Finally, she had relented and kept it toned down to natural colors. With great reluctance. She loved the color theory, the application. The way it transformed the face. The way it was a mask against the world. The way she could make her face say what she often didn’t have the voice to say herself. How she could say ‘fuck you with a spoon’ with a perfectly winged point. Instead of looking in the mirror and just seeing a sad sham, a scared girl who was too dark and too male and too wrong to be wanted. A sad thing that had spent her whole life struggling and failing to make friends.
And god… part of her was still terrified about how Caspian would look at her if the mask was gone. She thought she knew him. Was nearly positive she could trust him. That he’d never reject her… but it had happened so often in her life. She’d thought again and again that she had made a new friend… only for her heart to get ripped out. But this was different, wasn’t it? Please… please… let this one stick. She needed more people in her life than her father and her childhood best friend, Mingan.
She barely gave Cas the time to speak before she slapped the table, standing in her excitement, “AH HA!” realizing what she did, her dark skin flushed and she collapsed back on the bench. Her smile lit up her whole face. Leaning in she tried to whisper, but was still far too loud, “That’s it Cas! You’re the music! All the best Disney movies are musicals. You should totally do all the songs! I can’t sing for shit but you’re amazing!”
❝ And you could even have one of those white horses with really long hair. ❞ Caspian went on, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he looked back down at he tin tray before him. Fingers were messed with his meal, the naan bread doing a good enough job to suck up much of the sauce as he brought it to his lips, hunching over the table some as he took a fair sized bite. Rice stuck to his lower lip until he licked it away, chewing for a few moments.
❝ Or it could be died blue, or purple, or pink. ❞ He mused mouth half full as he tucked his food into his cheek to talk, looking back at his meal as he chuckled. He had grown closer with Belle over the past few months –– drawn to her insatiable desire to smile and have a good time. He needed that in his life –– Gods knew just how much he needed that.
With her legs half crossed on the awkward benches on the high school lunch room, Belle sat half turned to her friend. Her hands waving around wildly as she described her thoughts in detail. She paused, looking up at the ceiling, “No way. My hair’s blue. The horse can’t have my hair color, that’d be silly, Cas. Besides, modern princesses are going jewel tone. It can have deep emerald color hair. It would bring out my eyes.”
She’d truly hated to admit it, but she wasn’t sure if she would have even stayed at the school if she hadn’t met Caspian. Her fights with her teachers, especially in math and science, were epic. That they refused to accept simple logic or accept that they were clearly wrong and that the textbooks were poorly written baffled and frustrated her to no end.
The constant feeling of the other kids staring at her, making her doubt everything about herself, made it nearly unbearable to exist in the school. Was she passing? Did they see through her? The terror she felt every morning as she stared into the mirror with puberty taking its toll on her body. She’d never get the changes the other girls got… she just prayed, begged, that the HRT would be enough to keep her from ever having the other changes. Surely she was old enough now to stop worrying… that it would have started if it was going to happen… but she didn’t want a beard. Didn’t want her voice to change.
But sitting her with Caspian, ranting about princesses, without being told that she was too old to love them anymore; it let her drown out the rest of the school. The sound of the teachers and kids. Not really, she could still hear all the banging and what sounded like a million voices all at once, but it was more bearable. Those things weren’t as important as explaining it great, excruciating detail, the nature of the gown she would wear.
“I mean, especially if I’m going to be riding a horse off to save the Prince, then it has to be able to pull up and tie at the sides. Side saddle is stupid. But then it should unfurl like a sailboat, right? And… oh! Light up at the bottom, that would be so cool! I would wear practical shoes, of course, I mean who’s going to even see under the dress, right?” she could accept the idea of sword fighting her way past a dragon in a dress, but not in high heels. That was just silly.
RP backup 