Megamind scoffed, “I’ve come closer to nearly winning then you are recalling, clearly Miss Ritchi,” frustrated at how today was going, he snipped, “And why is it exactly that you assume I don’t have anyone? Hmm?”
“Do you really think that my entire life revolves around you and Wayne, really Roxanne?” he sighed, his mood dipping low enough that he broke character briefly. Shaking his head and scowling at himself he tried to shake himself back into the right mindset, “Miss Ritchi, all will be clear once we arrive. I’ll get to enact the latest great battle against my lifelong nemesis, you’ll get your story, and the status quo will remain. Everything is perfect. Just how it is,” his jaw snapped. Do. Not. Ruin. This. For. Me. He added silently.
“Megamind. I’ve literally never heard either of you mention anybody else.” A little caught off-guard from the change in address, the reporter tries to goad him on a little further, careful not to let her tone slip too far into incredulous or mocking territory. “So there IS somebody else, then? Who?”
Twiddling her thumbs absently as they drive, Roxanne shakes her head lightly. “I’m just saying, instead of just barely scraping by, always trying for a win or a one-up over Metro Man, maybe there’s an alternative.” She stretches her legs out under the dashboard, wondering just how much further there even IS to the lair, and hums softly. “You know, this has been nice, getting to talk to you instead of just waking up in the chair with a headache. I vote for this method in the future, for what it’s worth.”
“Miss Ritchi, this is a professional kidnapper kidnappee relationship,” Megamind raised an eyebrow as he put the car into park, “My person life has no need what-so-ever to make it onto your precious news feed. That’s what the hero is for.”
Undoing the rope to get her out of the car, Megamind ignored the rest of her questions. His silence protected the people who raised him from nosy reporters. He would never compromise them or the underground contacts that supplied him and Minion with food and parts. It was a carefully set up underground contact ring, a nosy reporter would only get herself hurt poking her nose into the real underbelly of Metro City.
“Oh I see, you are attempting to pur-swade me to turn over a new leaf by convincing me that I am a poor lonely soul you can save with the offer of what? Friendship? As if you ever could,” he snorted, sour and dismissive, “I’m the bad guy, Miss Ritchi. This is what I do and I do it very well.”
Guiding her out of the car, he added, “And we most certainly will NOT be repeating this,” it had been horrible and awkward and filled with uncomfortable questions, “You’ll have to satisfy your nosy reporter skills elsewhere.”
“What makes you think I don’t?” Megamind turned to her in true bafflement. The inability of human’s to think of things from many angles simultaneously often confused him despite being raised by them. To him the fact that she could be Roxanne, Hostage, His Victim, Reporter, Wayne’s Girlfriend, her Parent’s Daughter, and any other number of things all at once made perfect sense.
“And why wouldn’t I be? Honestly Miss Ritchi… what has gotten into you today?” Megamind cursed the day in general. Nothing was going right.
Roxanne pouts a bit, frustrated at the double-questioning, but tries to press forward, only hoping her mic’s battery will hold out long enough to capture any truly juicy bits. “Why wouldn’t you be happy with the status quo? You mean the one where each battle ends with you bruised, bloody, or otherwise broken? Where you usually end up back in jail, with another sentence added to your record? With nobody but Minion to really talk to, when it really matters?”
She trails off, deciding not to go any further and provoke a negative reaction while Megamind is driving and she’s tied up. “Which reminds me… where IS Minion tonight, anyway?”
Megamind scoffed, “I’ve come closer to nearly winning then you are recalling, clearly Miss Ritchi,” frustrated at how today was going, he snipped, “And why is it exactly that you assume I don’t have anyone? Hmm?”
“Do you really think that my entire life revolves around you and Wayne, really Roxanne?” he sighed, his mood dipping low enough that he broke character briefly. Shaking his head and scowling at himself he tried to shake himself back into the right mindset, “Miss Ritchi, all will be clear once we arrive. I’ll get to enact the latest great battle against my lifelong nemesis, you’ll get your story, and the status quo will remain. Everything is perfect. Just how it is,” his jaw snapped. Do. Not. Ruin. This. For. Me. He added silently.
“Now Miss Ritchi,” Megamind tutted after getting into the driver side of the car, “You’re part of the game, a highly essential component,” he huffed, not really wanting to explain.
Starting the engine, it purring to life, he grumbled, “Besides I started kidnapping you before he took an interest in you. Therefore my claim takes precedence,” glaring at her as he pulled out into the street he added, “Besides, he always saves you before you’ve received any bodily harm.”
Ignore the fact that he had a million safety catches in place and most of the traps only looked dangerous. Ignore that his brain bots were programmed to be non-hostile to her and prevent danger. Ignore that he activity stopped plans when they put her or other citizens in actual danger. It looked dangerous and destroyed property and that was the whole point. But Metro Man saved the day and he went back to prison and Roxanne got her story and the city turned. A comforting routine.
One which Roxanne seemed determined to poke holes in today! Much to his frustration, he quipped, “Why mess with a good thing and try and learn someone new?”
Roxanne tugs first on her lap belt, making sure it’s snug, and reaches up for the grip handle, stopping short as the rope snaps taut. She winces and settles for a firm grasp on the dashboard instead. “Exactly, that first time? I was just a random citizen then, and Metro Man responded just fine. And you know,” she turns blindly towards the driver’s seat with a little scowl, “It would just be FANtastic if you and everybody else saw me as a person instead of a hostage, or a claim to stake. Though I do appreciate that you’ve never actually hurt me.” She smiles softly, for just an instant, then sighs and folds her hands in her lap. Her neck exposed, she leans to tilt her head against the window, resting her temple on the glass.
“So… I guess it just means… you’re actually happy with this? The status quo? Is that really all you hope to gain from these kidnappings and hare-brained schemes?” Roxanne twitches a little as a soft beep from her shoulder alerts her to a dying battery in the microphone, and she tries to nonchalantly reach up to flick it off, hoping Megamind hadn’t noticed.
“What makes you think I don’t?” Megamind turned to her in true bafflement. The inability of human’s to think of things from many angles simultaneously often confused him despite being raised by them. To him the fact that she could Roxanne, Hostage, His Victim, Reporter, Wayne’s Girlfriend, her Parent’s Daughter, and any other number of things all at once made perfect sense.
“And why wouldn’t I be? Honestly Miss Ritchi… what has gotten into you today?” Megamind cursed the day in general. Nothing was going right.
Pulling back, Megamind raised a brow at her, even if she couldn’t see him, “Why Miss Ritchi, is it that hard to figure out? I always considered you smart enough to figure it out for yourself.”
“How boring would one of the banal sheeple of Metrocity be, right? Sure Metro Mahn would save anyone I kidnapped,” Megamind waved a hand in the air, “He IS a hero after all, but you’re his girlfriend, and far more entertaining.”
As a side note, he added, “Besides, family is off limit. I thought you’d figured that out like the timeout rule.”
Roxanne would cross her arms again if not for the rope binding them. “You shouldn’t think of them like that, you know. Any one citizen can be just as interesting and engaging as me, if you get to know them. But can see how that might be difficult with a reputation like yours.” She chews her lip for a couple minutes as the car starts, calculating a risk carefully.
“I’m not actually- Well. If I were Metro Man’s girlfriend, wouldn’t I be just as off-limits as his family?” While Roxanne had promised to do more pieces on those same ‘banal sheeple’ of Metro City, she still can’t help but try to pry deeper into Megamind’s psyche, trying to figure out his underlying motivations. Even if it means risking her not-so-well-kept secret. “If Wayne actually cared about me personally, like everyone seems to think, you’d… Probably be dead by now.”
“Now Miss Ritchi,” Megamind tutted after getting into the driver side of the car, “You’re part of the game, a highly essential component,” he huffed, not really wanting to explain.
Starting the engine, it purring to life, he grumbled, “Besides I started kidnapping you before he took an interest in you. Therefore my claim takes precedence,” glaring at her as he pulled out into the street he added, “Besides, he always saves you before you’ve received any bodily harm.”
Ignore the fact that he had a million safety catches in place and most of the traps only looked dangerous. Ignore that his brain bots were programmed to be non-hostile to her and prevent danger. Ignore that he activity stopped plans when they put her or other citizens in actual danger. It looked dangerous and destroyed property and that was the whole point. But Metro Man saved the day and he went back to prison and Roxanne got her story and the city turned. A comforting routine.
One which Roxanne seemed determined to poke holes in today! Much to his frustration, he quipped, “Why mess with a good thing and try and learn someone new?”
Megamind sighed dramatically, “Miss Ritchi, if the bag smells it’s your own fault. The only head that’s been inside it is yours,” and they did actually wash it a least every other month, but not every kidnapping. He just couldn’t see the point. It was hardly ever used for crying out loud! Scowling at her makeshift blindfold, Megamind shook his head, grumbling under his breath, “If it gets you in the car.”
He did still grab a length of rope and taking her hands tied them together. The knotwork was professional and kept any pressure off her blood vessels and tendons while still restricting movement. For good measure, he looped the other end to the dash of the car so that she was no longer able to reach up high enough to remove the blindfold. The movements, however, had him leaning over her as he worked, his breath on her neck, “With your cooperation, Miss Ritchi, we can be on our way.”
Roxanne lets her arms go limp in his grasp, cooperating as best she can while blind. “It begs the question, Megamind. Why DO you only ever take me? If it’s Metro Man you’re after, why not take his parents, or friends, or literally any citizen?” The nosy reporter has a hunch, nearly confirmed from the way the town’s supervillain keeps breathing down her neck, but she’s curious to see how he’ll try to justify his actions. “Unless… There’s some other motive to all of this?”
Pulling back, Megamind raised a brow at her, even if she couldn’t see him, “Why Miss Ritchi, is it that hard to figure out? I always considered you smart enough to figure it out for yourself.”
“How boring would one of the banal sheeple of Metrocity be, right? Sure Metro Mahn would save anyone I kidnapped,” Megamind waved a hand in the air, “He IS a hero after all, but you’re his girlfriend, and far more entertaining.”
As a side note, he added, “Besides, family is off limit. I thought you’d figured that out like the timeout rule.”
“Then you are going to be painfully disappointed,” Megamind huffed, not really sure what was up with Roxanne today. Maybe it was a hormone thing? He was aware from his uncles that women occasionally grew odd and required chocolate, though Aunt Sarah always rolled her eyes. Yet she did always accept the chocolate. Best not to question it really.
Taking Roxanne’s shoulders, Megamind lead her over to the invisible car, unsure if this was easier or harder to do when she was awake. Opening the trunk of the invisible hudson, there was revealed to be, as he said, a good deal of rope and the kidnapping bag along with a spare tire and a bag of groceries he’d had to grab on the way over. He needed his damn poptarts after how today had been going. Especially considering he’d be spending the next week after the battle in jail with the crap food there. Maybe less if the escape plan went well.
“The bag is not up for debate, Miss Ritchi,” Megamind lifted an eyebrow, “Though if you continue to coo-oporate, we can skip the ropes. At least until we arrive at the site for my glorious battle with Metro Mahn,” he played up his accent with a villainous chuckle. Dear god, he hoped Wayne was at least in form today. Then maybe he’d at least have something go right.
Roxanne glances at the groceries but sees nothing too easily accessible, suddenly sorry she’d skipped lunch in anticipation of cooking a big one-pot meal that night. She curls her lip at the burlap bag and turns to her “captor” with a frustrated pout, “Did you at least wash it this time?”
She gingerly plucks the bag between thumb and forefinger, then goes to claim the front passenger seat and buckle in. Rolling the bag up into a blindfold, she ties it around her head, taking care to leave her nose and mouth free and not mess up her hair too much. “Will that work?” A quick swipe over her shoulder ensures the mic is still in place, capturing their conversation and any other audio clues. “You ever thought about building a self-driving car? Then you could blot out the windows to keep your ‘lair’ a secret on the way.”
Megamind sighed dramatically, “Miss Ritchi, if the bag smells it’s your own fault. The only head that’s been inside it is yours,” and they did actually wash it a least every other month, but not every kidnapping. He just couldn’t see the point. It was hardly ever used for crying out loud! Scowling at her makeshift blindfold, Megamind shook his head, grumbling under his breath, “If it gets you in the car.”
He did still grab a length of rope and taking her hands tied them together. The knotwork was professional and kept any pressure off her blood vessels and tendons while still restricting movement. For good measure, he looped the other end to the dash of the car so that she was no longer able to reach up high enough to remove the blindfold. The movements, however, had him leaning over her as he worked, his breath on her neck, “With your cooperation, Miss Ritchi, we can be on our way.”
“Okay, you know what, Megamind,” Roxanne tilts her head and contemplates whether she really wants to get tied up, and ruin this nice new powder-blue blazer she just got with her leftover birthday cash, “For the sake of playing along, I’m going to pretend that ‘rope’ is actually code for ‘chocolate,’ and then come see what you have in the trunk. And where it is exactly that you want to go.”
“And that you’ve somehow managed to make a code that isn’t entirely literal.” The bemused reporter chuckles softly, still not sure how a man who can build the things he does still can’t figure out how to obfuscate his intentions at least a little. At least it makes her job easier. She shakes her head and shrugs, “Lead the way to your invisible parking space, I guess?”
“Then you are going to be painfully disappointed,” Megamind huffed, not really sure what was up with Roxanne today. Maybe it was a hormone thing? He was aware from his uncles that women occasionally grew odd and required chocolate, though Aunt Sarah always rolled her eyes. Yet she did always accept the chocolate. Best not to question it really.
Taking Roxanne’s shoulders, Megamind lead her over to the invisible car, unsure if this was easier or harder to do when she was awake. Opening the trunk of the invisible hudson, there was revealed to be, as he said, a good deal of rope and the kidnapping bag along with a spare tire and a bag of groceries he’d had to grab on the way over. He needed his damn poptarts after how today had been going. Especially considering he’d be spending the next week after the battle in jail with the crap food there. Maybe less if the escape plan went well.
“The bag is not up for debate, Miss Ritchi,” Megamind lifted an eyebrow, “Though if you continue to coo-oporate, we can skip the ropes. At least until we arrive at the site for my glorious battle with Metro Mahn,” he played up his accent with a villainous chuckle. Dear god, he hoped Wayne was at least in form today. Then maybe he’d at least have something go right.
As Megamind tried to shift his grip as she moved, thwarted by not using his full strength on her as after all he didn’t want to hurt her, he blushed as his hand touched something soft. Oh evil gods above. Trying to play it cool he, placed his other hand beside her head, locking green eyes with her blue.
“We are forgoing the knockout spray on this kidnapping, Miss Ritchi,” he explained as if it was the plan all along, “I shall, however, require that you withhold your screams of utter terror until we are properly in position for the main event. We wouldn’t want your boyfriend in tights crashing the party early, now would we?”
Roxanne can’t help but roll her eyes. Why oh why do people insist that she’s dating Metro Man? “You do realize, his super hearing can pick us up, whether I scream or not. But there’s a party? You would have to have something pretty enticing in order to get me to just… come along willingly.” She reaches up to brush his arm out of her way, freeing up the other one in the same motion. Tucking her fingers into the shallow pockets of her jeans, she turns to head back on her way with a sly glance over her shoulder. “You’d need something chocolate, at the very least.”
“Oh ho ho, only if said party is the terror of all Metrocity!” Megamind did one of his best evil laughs before scowling at her, “I will tie you up if I have to Miss Ritchi. I do always keep rope in the trunk of the invisible car.”
Leaning in close, he couldn’t help but purr, “And you know how good my knotwork is, temptress. Don’t think I won’t.”
“OW!” Megamind jerked, and wrestled for control to get her into the shadow of the alley before yanking her arms around to try and pin her to the wall. Strength at least was on his side, though thin he’d learned to fight dirty in the prison yard and his alien biology made him stronger and more durable than he looked.
“Ha ha ha, Miss Ritchi,” he deadpanned, “We both know how well that worked out last time,” he tried to think of his quirk of anatomy as a biological blessing, not having external genitalia to be vulnerable to such attacks and not something that just made him freakish and alien.
“Oh,” Roxanne visibly relaxes at the sound of her attacker’s voice and turns her back to the wall. “It’s you. Just means I’d have to find a different soft spot.”
Roxanne tries her best to cross her arms over her chest, around the intrusion of the villain’s strong grip. She succeeds in accidentally pinning his hand under her arm on one side, and surreptitiously reaching for the switch to her hidden microphone on the other side.
“What do you want, Megamind?”
It’s not lost on her that the blue-skinned genius seems to be using more physical force tonight than usual, though she declines to comment rather than skirting awkwardly around a hastily-worded query.
As Megamind tried to shift his grip as she moved, thwarted by not using his full strength on her as after all he didn’t want to hurt her, he blushed as his hand touched something soft. Oh evil gods above. Trying to play it cool he, placed his other hand beside her head, locking green eyes with her blue.
“We are forgoing the knockout spray on this kidnapping, Miss Ritchi,” he explained as if it was the plan all along, “I shall, however, require that you withhold your screams of utter terror until we are properly in position for the main event. We wouldn’t want your boyfriend in tights crashing the party early, now would we?”
Readying the can of knockout spray, Megamind shook it up. The sound of the rattle proved that this was yet another thing that was going to pile problem after problem on his week. The can was empty.
Muttering under his breath, “Horrible creation of science! How hard is it to pack a refill?” he angrily tossed the can away, only to flinch at the noise it made. But it was far too late to come up with a new plan now, there was Roxanne! Cursing internally, he dodged out of sight, heart pounding.
It had to be now. Dashing out from the shadows, he grabbed Roxanne from behind. With one hand over her mouth, Megamind pulled her back into the alley.
Roxanne looks up as she tucks her phone away, swearing she’d heard a soft, muffled rattling sound? She nearly jumps out of her skin when it’s followed shortly by a hollow metallic clang, no more than a few feet away. “Is somebody out there? I warn you, I know-”
But the wary reporter’s threat is cut off with a gloved hand over her mouth and an arm around her waist, dragging her back into the shadows. Her worst fears confirmed, Roxanne screams as loud as she can through the fingers, then bites down on one of them and throws a kick back behind her, struggling to duck under the arm and break free.
“Let me GO or the next kick goes somewhere soft.”
“OW!” Megamind jerked, and wrestled for control to get her into the shadow of the alley before yanking her arms around to try and pin her to the wall. Strength at least was on his side, though thin he’d learned to fight dirty in the prison yard and his alien biology made him stronger and more durable than he looked.
“Ha ha ha, Miss Ritchi,” he deadpanned, “We both know how well that worked out last time,” he tried to think of his quirk of anatomy as a biological blessing, not having external genitalia to be vulnerable to such attacks and not something that just made him freakish and alien.
RP backup 