đ: how does my muse express their feelings? do they do through small but meaningful gestures, or through bold declarations?
Belle is all about BIG gestures and excitedly sharing with people.Â
Because she struggles to have energy for general socialization when she does focus her attention of someone and share the things she loves with them, she is giving a huge portion of her energy into that interaction because being with them means so much to her. In making them gifts or drawing them into her special interests and working the things they care about into the interactions. So that they can both be excited and enthralled.Â
Belleâs face canât ever hide her emotions, though she flounders at using words to actually describe her emotions. She hides her face when embarrassed or nervous. She shouts when overly excited. When she feels very strongly about someone she tends to bounce and squirm and make a fool out of herself by laughing and doing something ridiculous to keep herself from freezing up. With her childhood friend, this was often drawing a mustache on her face or dancing around singing stupid songs. She struggles so much to verbalize her feelings into actual words. Too often sheâd just freeze up or her mind would go blank.
Her love is also shown most deeply in the soft moment, where she feels so comfortable to sit quietly next to someone without makeup or pretense. Soft and vulnerable and maskless.Â
(also I realize I answered this more generically for love in a broad sense of the word, but my poly girl is very open about love being on a spectrum from dear friend to lover)
The bullies had no desire to face off with the woman theyâd regularly seen doing the routines Haylee did. They backed off, but not without parting shots, âWell I guess now we know why she looks like that. I should have known a real woman wouldnât have those arms,â they dismissed at Haylee, âThe freaks all grouping together.â
The other woman thrust her chin up, âDonât even think about ever coming in here again you sick fucks! Iâm reporting you right now. Management will ban your ass!â as they left, Belle could still hear their voices as they called her a guy as they complained to each other.Â
Sobbing into her knees, she bit into her finger hard, rocking in place. She needed to dress, needed to move. But she couldnât. She wanted to scream, but she forced it inside. Even breathing was hard enough. Too much. It was all too much.
Despite what it was the group of females were saying, Haylee didnât budge, nor did she even bother replying to what was being said. There was not a chance in hell she would even entertain them with some kind of comeback, knowing that doing such a thing would only cause more harm than good. After all, she had tried talking so many times to get out of whatever discipline was coming to her, tried to talk her way out whatever fresh torture would come her way whenever she had done something wrong. It could have been the smallest thing, quite honestly⌠though even to this day, she couldnât even stand the sight of marbled cake without feeling a rush of something akin to panic.Â
Sighing softly, she could hear the choked noises from behind her that had some of that hardened outer shell she wore softening, reaching immediately for the towel that had been discarded before she stepped forward and gently covered the girlâs shoulders.. she had seen the way Belle had dressed, saw the way that she held herself until this pointâŚ
âTheyâre ignorant,â Haylee spoke quietly, hoping that with the towel covering her and Hayleeâs body providing a sort of block from the outside world it would allow Belle to calm down further.Â
Belle accepted the towel gratefully and wrapped it around herself. She was beyond thankful that the woman whoâd stepped in hadnât tried to touch her. Normally she could put up with it, but not as near breaking as she was now. Making a whiney noise, Belle grabbed the edge of the towel and bite into it. Her feet stamping on the tiles where she sat curled into a ball.Â
She hated this. Hated how she couldnât stop it. Couldnât make her voice connect to her mind. The way everything she felt was just too much. Her mind sparking into static and silence that defied description. Chewing on the towel and digging her fingers into her thighs to the point that she left behind the marks of her own nails, Belle finally found her voice again.
Sniffling and wiping her nose roughly with the back of her hand, her eyes wandered over Hayleeâs feet and arms, anywhere but her face, âThanks.â
Belle slouched behind the counter, headphones on. She was working, just not very hard. But then again, the owner didnât care. Belle was here for her music knowledge and because she was a whiz at the accounting and inventory. As long as the place stayed neat and nothing was stolen, he let her do whatever she wanted. Considering that music was going more and more to digital with most people, they sold to more a specialty crowd. They carried vinyls, cassettes, CDs, and any number of ways to listen to the music. But the real selling point was, as the boss man said, was the knowledge of their staff.Â
With her coffee beside her and her large headphones covering her ears, Belle used her sunglasses to block everything else out. She was watching the shop, but she was mostly listening to Missy Elliot with her feet kicked up on the counter. Her dyed blue hair stuck up around her headphones, the only color she was wearing besides the dark poison green lipstick. Her studded leather jacket hung off the back of her chair and her t-shirt proclaimed her to be an Alien Sex Fiend.Â
        Glancing up from the tome in
her hands, Hestia dared to stare at the mortal in close proximity to her. They
werenât going anything to bother her at all, but the young goddess was uneasy
around humans, purely because she wasnât used to them.
Belle chewed on her lower lip as she stood before the woman, twisting her fingers in nerves and looking down at her toes. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Trying again, she managed,Â â… hello?â
    â Jewel tone? What does that even mean? â Caspian asked with a smirk, licking those plump lips clean from the curry sitting on their edges. Amusement and curiosity sparkled in those golden hues, watching her as she explained how emerald might bring out her eyes. He laughed gently, turning attention back towards his meal as he began to work the naan into the paste and rather up some of the rice and food he had brought for lunch.
    He knew himself, the fear of judgement and of being seen for what you were born as. How crippling and awful such a feeling could be. To creep inside you chest and grip you so tightly your only relief was to curl in on yourself and pray it might end soon. There was no relief from the eyes that stared at him either. The boy who didnât fit anywhere. The boy who was strange and unpredictable. Who would burst and break at the drop of a hat and who was stupid. Gods he knew they all thought him to be an idiot. It came with the Jock territory no doubt. Captain of the soccer team who got awful marks was the most cliche thing about all those terrible high school movies his friend made him sit through. Every time he saw them he thought âthats me, the jock that goes nowhereâ.Â
    At least he had his music. Whenever he sang at the parties, it seemed everyone forgot about his grades and focused on him. Focused on the words and the tune ââ ignore the boy before them whoâs flesh was broken and torn. Focus on the voice he still had⌠It was the only thing that hadnât broken from his past-life. It always made him feel more whole, much like how Belle felt about this elaborate princess tale.Â
    â Is it still in true Princess fashion to use glow bugs for the lights on the dress? I think I saw that in a movie once. â He quipped as he brought another handful of his meal to his lips. Chewing for a few more moments before he licked his fingers noisily, and his lips along with it. He liked encouraging her. Knowing that she was a little different from everyone else just made her more fun in truth. In Caspianâs mind⌠These chats, whether they were real for her or hypothetical for him, it didnât truly matter.Â
âOh. My. God. Caspian. Jewel tone, itâs self-explanatory,â Belle waved she hand widely, âRuby, Emerald, Saphire, dark and more saturate. Those bright pastel pinks and purples, Iâm soooooooo over it.â
Finally remembering that she should eat. Her meal was far less glamorous than her friendâs lunch. Her dad had been busy again, his time split between his evening security job and his new passion writing. But that meant he was sleeping most mornings and writing most afternoons. So Belle had made her own lunch, which always took too much energy. So sheâd just thrown anything into her sack that sounded okay. A pudding cup, snack crackers, a PB&J, baby carrots (the whole bag), and a partial bag of baking chocolate chips. She broke into the carrots, crunching loudly.
âYou know, your skin tone in right for some really lovely greens… or maybe a metallic copper…â she hummed and tapped a carrot on her chin, âWould blue be too much? Either way you tots gotta let me do your makeup next time you sing. OH! Smokey eyes and blue lips!â
She grinned widely at him, vibrating with energy. She loved makeup, the louder the better. Sheâd been sent to the principleâs office many an occasion for her makeup in the first months of the school year. Finally, she had relented and kept it toned down to natural colors. With great reluctance. She loved the color theory, the application. The way it transformed the face. The way it was a mask against the world. The way she could make her face say what she often didnât have the voice to say herself. How she could say âfuck you with a spoonâ with a perfectly winged point. Instead of looking in the mirror and just seeing a sad sham, a scared girl who was too dark and too male and too wrong to be wanted. A sad thing that had spent her whole life struggling and failing to make friends.
And god… part of her was still terrified about how Caspian would look at her if the mask was gone. She thought she knew him. Was nearly positive she could trust him. That heâd never reject her… but it had happened so often in her life. Sheâd thought again and again that she had made a new friend… only for her heart to get ripped out. But this was different, wasnât it? Please… please… let this one stick. She needed more people in her life than her father and her childhood best friend, Mingan.
She barely gave Cas the time to speak before she slapped the table, standing in her excitement, âAH HA!â realizing what she did, her dark skin flushed and she collapsed back on the bench. Her smile lit up her whole face. Leaning in she tried to whisper, but was still far too loud, âThatâs it Cas! You’re the music! All the best Disney movies are musicals. You should totally do all the songs! I canât sing for shit but youâre amazing!â
{{ going to use this as an excuse to write a human!au drabble }}
The twins had been reconnecting. Tony still felt in a whirl that he even had a sister much less a twin that he hadnât seen since he was three. Having ended up going to the same college, and in many of the same engineering classes, the two had become fast friends. But that wasnât nearly good enough for Belle. She wanted to embrace this with both arms up and covered in glitter.Â
Which is how Tony ended up going to the karaoke bar with her on Friday night. It had taken quite a few drinks before Tony was even willing to set foot on the stage with Belle giggling madly and clinging to his arm in her own nervous self-consciousness. And of course she picked Time Warp. Rocky Horror was a favorite of his and he knew all the words by heart, so there went his excuse for mumbling the lines.
Laughing, Belle pressed her face into her twinâs back. Face strained, Tony hissed back, âThis was your idea. Sis.â
âYeah, yeah, yeah!â she bit her lip, bouncing, âIs it starting? Is it?â
Once the music began, Belle about shouted him deaf, âIt’s astounding! Time is fleeting! Madness takes its toll!â
Feeling like a fool, Tony tried to keep up. Presentation. If you acted like it was okay, people would believe it. He rushed as his lines came again, âIt’s so dreamy. Oh, fantasy free me. So you can’t see me. No not at all.â
Belle swung her hips, eyes nearly closed so she didnât have to see the crowd. The fact that it was a song to dance to, Tony was grateful for. He was a shit singer, they both were, but they could dance. They slid through the moves silkily all while Tony barely sang loud enough and Belle shouted every line.
When it was all over and they slipped off stage, Tony wrapped his hands around his beer like a lifeline, âWhy did you take Riff Raff?â
Belle snorted and flipped her curly blue hair, âYou’re clearly a Magenta. Embrace it, brother.â
Hayleeâs life was one that thrived on routine, something she insisted to keep a sense of normalcy in her when everything else would fall apart in an instant. Moving from town to town, never staying long enough to make friends by her own design. Sure, if she actually tried and talked to people, she would make friends, would be able to have some kind of connection with people, but the fact of the matter was, was her own paranoia in everything prevented her. She kept what she thought to be a healthy distance from anybody and everybody, unaware that such a thing would make her starved for any kind of interaction, even if such a thought terrified her.Â
It was because she was so insistent on keeping to herself, that she didnât really pay much attention to what was around her as she got into the locker rooms, making sure to keep her eyes averted from everybody elseâs as she concentrated on slowing her breathing down after her typically hard workout. It wasnât likely a good thing that she pushed herself as hard as she did, as often as she did.. but feeling that exhaustion in her body was familiar, almost comforting in a manner that she didnât even think about.Â
Walking towards the showers to wash away the sweat that continued to run down the strong columns of her back, her entire body glistening with sweat, she wasnât entirely aware of everything going on even if she did hear the raised voices. She had always been good at managing to keep to herself, keeping out of other peopleâs business. She didnât want to get involved, didnât want to make herself knownâŚÂ
But when the blue haired person made that panicked noise and jerked from whatever was happening, Haylee couldnât just turn a blind eye anymore. Feeling a pit rise in her stomach, she quickly moved forward, lips pressed together in a thin line with her displeasure, enough emotion rising through her to have a flicker of it in the false color of her green eyes⌠but not enough to truly break through the almost doll-like appearance of her. Rather than physically pulling the woman away from the other, Haylee placed herself between Bell and her tormentor, hands already fisted in case she would need to defend herself.Â
âThatâs enoughâŚâ she urged, her heart pounding in her chest despite the way she held herself in preparation. She was fairly well known in this gym, enough so for the woman to hesitate when she saw Haylee. The woman with vibrant red hair didnât make it a secret that she knew mixed martial arts, practicing it every single day in the gym they were in now.Â
The bullies had no desire to face off with the woman theyâd regularly seen doing the routines Haylee did. They backed off, but not without parting shots, âWell I guess now we know why she looks like that. I should have known a real woman wouldnât have those arms,â they dismissed at Haylee, âThe freaks all grouping together.â
The other woman thrust her chin up, âDonât even think about ever coming in here again you sick fucks! Iâm reporting you right now. Management will ban your ass!â as they left, Belle could still hear their voices as they called her a guy as they complained to each other.Â
Sobbing into her knees, she bit into her finger hard, rocking in place. She needed to dress, needed to move. But she couldnât. She wanted to scream, but she forced it inside. Even breathing was hard enough. Too much. It was all too much.
âNo, no, no, you donât understand. I am totally Princess material! See. Just look! Itâs all in the binder,â Belle waved her hands wildly and filled to the relevant page, jamming a finger down on the list of relevant facts, “Orphaned at a young age, one parent and it’s my dad so I got the no mom thing going,” she tapped her chin, “I know that’s not mandatory but it certainly adds to the checklist. Oh! And here, here, look,” she pointed excitedly, “Most of my birth records where lost, I could totally be lost nobility from some far away nation! I just need to go on an epic quest of self discovery!”
Her boisterous pose fell, “I mean… I can’t sing… But I can dance! That has to count. Plus I’d add to the diversity! There aren’t nearly enough black non white princesses! And, and,” she flipped through more pages, “I’d be a bunch of other firsts for them and I have the dress and everything. I’d sparkle like the stars and GLOW TOO!”
RP backup 