biologicalengineer:

• “(they/we) can eat each other out and see who comes first. wholesome.”
• “i haven’t been innocent since i was 8 years old and saw the word pussy while looking for dora the explorer online.”
• “i am ready to catch the lesbian tension.”
• “funny story: i once avoided getting arrested by flirting with the cops.”
• “meanwhile, when she moans, it’s only because the chocolate is melting in her mouth.”
• “that’s the way to my heart: bdsm and falling incredibly short of expectations.”
• “pop rocks + vagina = yeast infection.”
• “who sleeps in a ponytail you masochistic freak?”
• “i’ll date anyone who pays attention to me.”
• “as gays, we deserve this.”
• “i think i’m going to actually try and sleep. there’s only so much of myself i can handle.”
• “i’m eating vegan ice cream in my nasty woman hoodie.”
• “i’m a slytherin; i have to dismantle his life behind the scenes.”
• “if you’re lucky, you’ll get arrested first.”
• “you can’t kinkshame me; i’m the kinkshaming master.”
• “it’s either because (they/she/you) are/is too much of a hoe or too overprotective.”
• “you are generally good for one or two things.”
• “you eat dick for breakfast.”
• “this straight girl keeps trying to kiss me. help.”
• “she lives so far up my ass, she bought property.”
• “this is why i don’t fight people. i just yell about them to my friends.”
• “number one problem with straight people: the fact that they say you’re drawn to men who are like your father.”
• “i didn’t go to therapy for six years to be nice!”
• “at least none of us had terf bangs.”
• “(they/she/he/i/you) are/is competitive in war and in bed.”
• “i’m not sure what enticement i can offer besides unconditional love and support.”