rpmemes-galore:

Dad Jokes  {Sentence Starters}

• “Hi, hungry. I’m dad.”
• “Don’t buy velcro. It’s a total rip-off.”
• “The rotation of earth really makes my day.”
  
• “What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.”
  
• “The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.”

• “What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhh.”
  
• “Make you a sandwich? Poof! You’re a sandwich!”
  
• “5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.”
• “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”
  
• “What time did the man go to the dentist? —- Tooth hurt-y.”
  
• “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”
  
• “What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”
  
• “I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!”
• “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.”
  
• “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
  
• “Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? 
Because he was a little horse!” 
• “I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.”
• “Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.”