Not Allowed

|| @glittergcld || Haylee ||

Belle never was one for public spaces but she’d wanted to try and get more in shape. She’d spent so long afraid to really work out for fear of bulking up too much, but now she just felt soft and flabby. Curves were good, but she’d finally gotten to the point where she could love herself. All of herself. So she found herself in the local gym.

Aerobics and leg workouts, she still avoided most of the upper body workout. When she flexed in the mirror a shadow of doubt still flashed into her head, too broad in the shoulder already. Still, she was grinning and tired as she wiped the sweat from her brow and headed to the locker room. Ear buds in she had ignored all the others while working out, but in the locker room, their eyes made her skin crawl. 

Her heart too loud, she kept her eyes down and started changing. Drenched in sweat… she glanced towards the showers. Women in various states of undress around her. The difference between them and herself would be so obvious once her loose shorts came off. 

Her hand slapped rhythmically against her thigh, fuck! It was high school all over again. Taking her head wrap off, her large volume of blue curls fell and became a shield against the world. The headphones had to come out to shower, that made it worse. Trying not to run or move too oddly, she moved towards the showers and didn’t drop her shorts till she was near the wall. As it was, she must not have been good enough at keeping her back turned. 

“The fuCK! There’s a fucking dick in here.”

Belle could feel the tears in her eyes already. Damn it, damn it! She wanted to shout at the woman to just shut up, to let her be, but her throat closed in on her. Her nails dug into her own skin as her heart hammered away. Trying so hard to just shower and get out, Belle hadn’t realized that the angry woman had gotten closer until the land landed on her shoulder.

“Did you fucking hear me?!”

Eyes flying wide, Belle yelped and pulled back hard. Her shoulder slammed back against the wall as he pulled away from the unwanted touch. Her hand pressed over the spot where she could still feel the contact on her skin.

“Are you mute or something? Hey!”

The muttered slurs echoed through Belle’s head. She’d heard them all before. Black, trans, autistic. There were so many ways for people to hate her. It was less a question of if they would and more a question of which slur it would be this time. She could fill a bingo card on bad days.

The tears were already runner down her cheeks and it had barely started. Damn! Damn! Damn it! Forcing the words out, she managed, “D-don-t.”